Lady in red.

For formal occasions, I would always go for safe solid dark colors. But when I saw the cut and color of this dress at Mango, I just could not resist buying it though it was, indeed shocking solid RED.

On a day at work plus, I would need to look formal for important guests coming over, I decided to wear it. You can actually wear it anytime of the day depending on how you accessorize it -- that's the nice thing about this dress :)

So what do you think about my look?

Dress- Mango; Belt-thrifted

Til next!

Ciao bellas,
Alex

Wedding Bells

A little something out of my overflowing thoughts. :)



Wedding bells
by Alex Valenciano


A few more days,
He's walking down the isle
Patiently waiting in front
for the steps of his bride


I've been in this scene
over and over in my dreams
and I wouldn't say its the best thing for me
But this is how its meant to be


People can say I'm a hypocrite
for saying I've been ready for it
But he's been a good guy
And the last thing I want to do is lie
With all my heart and soul,
I wish for his happiness and for my own


The hurting part is over
His promises soon to be uncovered
And before he says I do
I want to thank him too


For the happy memories of yesterday
For things we weren't able to say
For the love shared
And for the thoughts and care


Maybe on my special day
As I wear white and make my way
You'd also be there with a smile on your face
Beside the woman who met your gaze


This does not mark the end
Of a friendship that deserves to be mend.
I might see you on one of those events,
so 'til then my all time favorite friend.

Stay strong.

Stay strong

While reading fashion posts of my all-time favorite blogger, I came across what seems to me a "sign". She had one post entitled "Stay Strong".

Being strong is a bit easy. But the staying part is hard. When you go through so much pain, there are times you just want to give it up and surrender. Literally, you don't need

a white flag waived out to the world. But for you to just give up, is the most meaningless attack for me. It's a battlefield I tell you and to conquer the war is to just keep on

fighting.

I know, it's easier said than done. And I'm at that part now. I couldn't make or compose a decent entry now really. All I've been doing for the past few days is listen to my

"Stay Strong" playlist.

So might as well just share it with all of you :)

1. I won't give up - Jason Mraz
2. Don't know why - Norah Jones
3. Am I ready for Love? - Taylor Swift
4. If I believed - Patti Austin
5. Begin Again - Colbie Caillat
6. Through the fire - Chaka Khan
7. Chasing Pavements - Adele
8. Crawl - Chris Brown
9. Change your mind - Boyce Avenue
10. Di na natuto - Noel Cabangon
11. For your love - Charlie Wilson
12. Forgiveness - Wamdue project
13. How to love - Lil Wayne
14. I wanna Know - Joe
15. Near to you - A fine Frenzy
16. Smile - Uncle Kracker
17. Tell me where it hurts - MYMP
18. Terrified - Katherine McPhee
19. Issues - Saturdays
20. We found love - Rihanna
21. Who do you tell - Tamia
22. Wonderwall - Oasis
23. You don't know me - Jann Arden
24. You give me something - James Morrison
25. Ready to love again - Lady Antebellum

If you're good at solving puzzles, then you might just get to reveal my heart's secret.

Ciao Bellas,
Alex

Of love and such part II.

Due to public demand and violent reactions from concerned citizens, in short, dahil umani ng tagumpay ang unang entry ko sa mga CHISMOSO't CHISMOSA kong friends, I shall do a PART II!!! :)

I wasn't able to mention pala a few more :) so sorry nemeeennnn :P

So okay, how do I start??? Well, let's just say, in between there, somewhere. Hmm, i really couldn't remember the exact dates! That's too challenging for me already! So here goes: (DISCLAIMER: Not in any order- haha)

TELETUBBIES:

The "title" was not originally from me but from a good friend of mine who I choose not to name. :P I decided to keep it as it is because for one, my thoughts of him would still somewhat relate to how I remember teletubbies. Back when I was a kid, I was really fond of the teletubbies. Not just because they sing those weird songs but because whenever I watch them, they make me think that the world was such a care-free place. In fairness to this guy, he's that type of guy. No pressure, no promises. Just pure crazy laughing moments together. He's the typical laid-back type of guy who'd actually make fun of me in a very sweet way. He makes me feel HUMAN -- that's the term! Yes, you can now call me stupid for not taking the leap. Again, sorry, but I had to admit this. hahaha! I was still enjoying my singlehood PLUS there we're just too many choices.

DRUNKEN DJ
I shall consider this as part of my growing up stage. You go out, you dance through the night and you get to shake a lot of hands. That's what I usually do when clubbing. Plus the free drinks of course! One night, actually it was the exclusive club party I held to celebrate my bday, I met the club's DJ. He's nothing out of the ordinary for me but my friends, due to the fact that I was single, they we're excited to get me back to dating and I was the birthday girl, they INSISTED on the exchange of numbers. A few texts the day after then again, Alex went "KOOKOO" (my term for my mood swings), the END.Though he was sweet, he was irrisistably cute, it wasn't about all that after all :)

RACER
I get giddy with cute cars! So what is cute for me? pink? flower? and all girly? Nope! Wrong! :) I like cars that looks as manly as it can be!!! and I drool over those kinds of cars. So one carshow, because my friend Charm was so kind enough to tolerate my craziness, she made ways. She contacted her good friend that is laso into car deatiling and stuff like that, asked him if he could date me and take us to that playboy carshow. please dont judge us. We we're young and wild and free. So going back, I had a date on this car show where I will also meet one guy I like. hahaha! AGain, don't judge us, we just know how to play our cards right. Two dates after, I just disappeared. And because he was also a good friend of my friend, she had to do something because she felt she was the one to blame. So she introduced him to two more friends of ours who again, did the same thing to him. Well, he was a nice guy but he just wouldn't know where to draw the line.

I guess that's about it. To my friends, if you think I still missed some, let me know! hahahaha!

What again am I pointing through this post? Number 1, if I did hurt you, if you are one of these boys I've mentioned or if you are the girl who's with any of the boys mentioned, i am, with all my heart and soul, so sorry. A part of my growing up was spent on this to be honest. Trying to figure out what I really want to do, who I want to be and who I want to be with. So until my next post!

Ciao Bellas,
Alex 

DECISIONS

To be honest, I'm such a chicken. I chicken out on most of things. Specially on BOLD decisions which I think at my age, I should be capable of already. And since I have that much time now, let me show my "8 things I'd rather die than be caught doing":

1. I've never really tested myself with the "INDEPENDENCE" that I've been claiming to have.
I'm pretty scared. Specially with moving out. It scares the shit out of me. Well, it's not because I can't take care of the house because I just know I can! Because I'm the "I can keep things the same EXACT way even if I use it" type of person. Growing up with my dad kind of training. I know how to do household chores (yes, I know!). Taking care is easy but MANAGING it is a whole new story. I'm kind of scared with the BIGGER responsibility of household bills, food budgeting. Things like that.

2. I don't usually do UNPLANNED or UNEXPECTED things.
Ever since I got my heart broken (wait, when was that? LOL), yes, again, ever since I got my heart broken, I've been living like a robot. I have been doing nothing but build this certain wall so that I could avoid the feeling of getting hurt. In my case, controlling everything was my escape. Every little detail had to be planned and I tend to over think things a lot. Who could blame me? after several heartbreaks, I couldn't really trust anyone even myself on the decisions I make. I was over protective of my heart that no one could ever see right through it. I live by MILLIONs of post-its, to-do lists posted on my walls. If you see a space full of post-its with reminders, that's my TURF! haha! I have several planners where my schedule is usually plotted. And if you we're a kidnapper thinking of kidnapping me, you'd probably have an easy time finding me. To top it all, due to my kookoo moves of being too controlling, I even put reminders on my phone. I turn down unexpected invitations or I get pissed when there's a sudden change of plan.

3. I don't like constant texting or calling.
It suffocates me. It feels like being tracked or something for me. I don't like sending mushy "i miss you's" to anyone in the world! Well, I used to. But again, I have been building a wall that made my heart stay on an ICE BOX and the SWEETNESS i once had is just... A mere memory of how I used to be.

4. I hate being SLEEP DEPRIVED.
Call me a POLAR bear but I literraly like sleeping like a BABY. I need to get sleep atleast 12 hrs a day. 10hrs would mean I needed to get up early. and8 hrs would mean I'm sleep deprived and 6 hrs would mean SUICIDE already. I love sleeping. I hate people who manage to disturb my sleep through calls and sms.

5. I don't do breakfast
Breakky is the most important meal of the day they say. I don't believe in that. Again, due to my sleep addiction, I'd rather sleep than do breakfast. An extra hour of sleep would feel so much better than a full tummy for me. hahaha!

6. I can't drink coffee
At a young age, I have been taking care of my baby gastritis. As early as highschool, I've been taking medications for my gastritis attacks. Well, I grew up keeping up with the prescribed medicines and practices. And that includes COFFEE. And yet again, because I live practically on PLANNED things, I have given up coffee because it's one of my reminders, my post-its.

7. I don't laugh alone while reading messages/tweets.
Generally speaking, I don't like being crazy or do random crazy things in front of people. I am that kind of person.

8. I don't like being tagged on facebook pictures/check-ins
Well this one's funny. When Facebook was a bit more fun and I was kinda pro-actively updating mine, I don't like being tagged on pictures (there was still no check-in's then!) My friends know this that yes I would agree to having my pictures taken but tagging me, would be a major sin for me. Here's my CONFESSION: sorry for those who had their pictures taken with me but for some odd reason, it got burried somewhere in my history. haha! I don't like being tagged because, I kinda think that when you're tagged on a picture with someone, it goes without saying that you've just been tagged HIS already. And I don't like that. Again, who would blame me? I was young and wild and free :) same goes with check-ins, if people sees who you're with, then they'd make wild guesses and rumors and I, again, wanted to avoid that.

So what am I going to do with this list? Yes I know, I've kept it for years!!! So let me put you on a positive note.

Lucky me, I met good people in my life who have surprisingly crossed out every bit of detail here on my list. And the good part is, I might be down to just one or two left. I've said this before I know but I've changed a lot since they've become my friends. And NOW, here's my take on that list.

1. I'm not ready to test the "INDEPENDENCE" that I've been claiming to have.
And NOW I am ALMOST excited to move out not because I am ready but because I know I CAN take on anything now. Watching all my friends being independent makes me feel like I can do it too. And the fear which haunts me a lot has changed. Maybe I'm ALMOST ready, but not quite yet.

2. I don't usually do UNPLANNED or UNEXPECTED things.
My crew? (eww! so swagger!) haha! They're all about unexpected things! Although there are times that out of town trips are planned, most of the things that happen DURING the trip is crazier! The good thing though is, after being too doubtful, I've learned to accept the fact that unexpecting is indeed one of the most fulfilling moment. I learned to embrace the thought of not having any assurance but still decide to wait. I learned that life is so much more fun when I don't over think things. They literally taught me to LIVE and BREATHE.

3. I don't like constant texting or calling.
Like what I said, I used to like that. And now I'm back to being that sweet! That's how they've been for me. Before, I wouldn't notice how sweet we are to each other. Checking on each other thru texts or still keeping contact despite our busy schedules. We call each other whenever there's something CRAZY happened. And you know what? Whenever something great happens to me, I text or call anyone of my friends. Because I know that I'd find in them the feeling of satisfaction that I shared my joys with them.

4. I don't want being SLEEP DEPRIVED.
Now I can sleep for just two hours and won't get grumpy about it. Sometimes, I am just running on caffeine. It's not that I hate sleep now, it's just that I know it's more FUN to stay up late and be with them rather than being in my dreams. Now, my reality is better than my dreams.

5. I don't do breakfast
Breakky went in my system somewhere along the way. hahaha! Despite the fact that me and my friends drink a lot, we don't skip meals. That's why I guess, my gastritis hasn't been showing up. Except when I abuse his patience though. hahaha! Now I can't pass on breakfast. It makes me grumpy! LOL

6. I can't drink coffee
My friends are coffee drinkers. They are inlove with coffee more than I am. That was BEFORE I started drinking coffee again. Now my coffee is, the more bitter it is the better. I've learned to skip the CREAMERs because I kinda think dairy makes my tummy unhappy a few hours after taking it into my system.

7. I don't laught alone while reading messages/tweets.
I am crazy because I hang out with crazy people. hahaha! And they can make me laugh hard even with just an SMS or tweet. Could you imagine how it is when we are together? Expect laughters and more laughters til we get tired of laughing.

8. I don't like being tagged on facebook pictures/check-ins
Now my facebook is full of tagged photos and check-ins. Sometimes, I even do the tagging myself. Maybe it's because the control freak in me learned that whatever I do or whoever I choose to be with now, NOBODY has the right to make a fuss out of it. That's one of the many perks of being SINGLE so people, DEAL with it. hahaha. And I have made a secret pact with myself that I ain't posing and have my picture taken beside someone I'm not sure of what I'm feeling anymore. EHEM! :)



There goes my list. Told you, ALMOST done with it. Soon, it would be useless already. But it's good to sometimes do a self-check and this list would be of great help.

Here's my take on this: life is a gift and HOW TO LIVE is a matter of choice. Whatever it is that you do or did, whoever you're with, wherever you are is a result of the choices you make or have made. For several years I've lived according to post-its, schedulers, planners and phone reminders. It's not that I regret it because at some point it helped me a lot with the coping. But you can't stay where you were before just because you got your heart broken or you lost someone dear to you. What am I getting at? The decisions we make makes us who we are now. Those decisions gives you either satisfaction, happiness or a sense of security.

My decisions aren't perfect. But I've learned that whatever you desire, you go follow it. Because in the end, it would still be the same YOU. Just with a bit of damage here and there maybe but still you. Don't live by what-if's. Because you can't change the world or how it treats you, but you can definitely change how you live in it with your decisions.

Make bolder, wiser ones and if it fails, charge it to experience and learn from it. Heal. Then try again. I'm not saying it's as easy as 1-2-3 but it's a whole lot easier than living a life full of regrets because of decisions not made. :)

'Til next.

Ciao Bellas,
Alex

Sheer me up! :)

It's been so long since i last dis an outfit post. And my phone is close to collapsing or sudden death because of the outfit shots i have. Kidding! Good thing though is i get to share it on instagram :)

So on an ordinary mall day, i decided to wear sheer on sheer. It was crazy outside, knowing how humid Manila is. But of course, being the traditional Filipina somehow, I tried to look as covered as possible despite the unbearable heat. How to look breezy but comfy? My newest favorite trend: SHEER clothing :) So... Tada!!! :)

How do you like my look?!

Ciao Bellas,
Alex

My utmost cry.

I was kinda hoping that after posting my "of love and such" entry, for once, things would just fall into places and stop. But hell no, you just wouldn't stop blabbing. I kinda understand though where you're coming from. And you just wouldn't make it easy for me. It was hell hard for you right? I know!!!!!!!! I think everyone KNOWS already because you just wont shut up will you? 


For the last time, I'll waste my precious time on you. Not because i want to but because i think I already HAVE to. Things are just getting out of hand and I DESERVE TO SAY MY PIECE! I've already told you this so many effin' times and now, since you just won't stop, it's for public consumption already.


I don't even know why i'm a bit concerned about you when you're just sooooo damn insensitive of how I felt and feeling!!!!! In my effort to avoid causing you any more pain, my silence wasn't ENOUGH for you to have the DECENCY of just wrapping up your thoughts inside your head and letting it just DIE there! 


I'm human. I have feelings too and just like any human, I commit mistakes. I do crazy things then change my mind after. So if that's what hurts you, that I changed my mind one morning, THEN FINE! i'm guilty! But don't you think this is just getting a little old on you? It's been what???? And you, dragging me, over and over again is just so UNFAIR already. Yes it is! I know cause I was once hurt too. What we're you thinking all these time??? I won't know how you back stab me? It'll be just a secret? Well then meet the REAL WORLD! I have been keeping up with all the hearsays and rumors that you've been spreading. I kept mum about it but PLEASE! for the love of God, just stop it already!


Stop pretending like you'll never intentionally hurt me or do something that would make me feel upset because honestly, it's EXCRUCIATING already!!!!! Do you even know how hard it is for me to keep silent whenever I hear that you talk about someone who gets involved with me??? What's that about??? Are you pretty sure about that? Do you really want me to go down that road again? Cause if that's what it takes to make you stop, I'm more than willing to. Game face on even!


Your "friends", do they even know me??? or they just know me from YOUR stories??? I understand they are YOUR friends. They would side on you. But I hope you'd also UNDERSTAND when my friends do that to you.


For everyone who has something to say about what happened, here's my take on that:


1. Yes, I was madly inlove with someone else.
2. I realized along the way that what I had at that time was NOWHERE near what I had before him
3. I bet my life you we're once in my situation. So let me ask you this, if you committed the same mistake that I did, would you choose not to hurt him, prolong the pretentions then eventually leave him? Or would you rather hurt him by telling the truth, have him hate you, curse you, but atleast let him be free so he could find someone much deserving of his love?


you know, sometimes, when someone says "It's not you, it's me", try to accept and understand that there is an OUNCE truth in it. It was not just an excuse.


And for the record, just so everyone knows, YES I HAVE PLANS OF GETTING MARRIED but definitely not with someone like him. You are one selfish, backstabbing and insensitive guy I've ever met!


This is NOT me being mad or holding grudges against you. This is a CRY of a girl who, for just once, wants to be heard. I admit that I hurt you. I already apologized for that so many freaking times! But do you really have to keep on doing this just to get even with me? When are you ever gonna stop?? PLEASE TELL ME!


So how does this feel? every single one of the people that I know, reading this! Learning how much of a backstabber you are! How does it feel to be HUMILIATED on a public website?


You're not the only one who gets HURT. You know exactly what you have done to me and my friends. I owe you a heartbreak but you owe me twice much more. You owe me good friendships that you INTENTIONALLY ruined.


This is the last time, I swear. Spare the people I value the most. If I ever, hear you say a single word against him, or even say the first letter of his name, you're gonna be sorry. And you can count on it.